The Blog of Lone

Went shopping.  This for most people is a regular, normal, occurrence.  For me it’s a rarity.  I hate shopping with a passion.  Nothing fits and I don’t like any of the clothes that do.  I get intimidated by shop assistants with their trendy hair and skin tight jeans.  I just want to scream in their smarmy fashionable faces, “where are the real clothes, the ones that fit normal people!  Stop being so bloody emo and superior!”.  Shopping can be a traumatic experience.  It leaves scars, and not all of them are mental.

That said I did manage to find myself some decent clothes that fit.  They even look good.  Which is a step up from the usual ‘it keeps me warm’ category that most my clothes fall under.  To go with this new presentable Lone, I’ve formalised the accidental beard shaving of last week and decided to go clean shaven for a while.  I look young, almost normal.  I’m also in considerable lower facial pain.  Perhaps young, clean shaving, and lightly bleeding will attract the opposite sex, but I doubt it.

I did manage to attract an older lady who was trying to sell me glasses though.  Got myself a new, un-sat on pair, which look rather good.  Was told they were ‘young’ and that I looked very ‘now’.  I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘now’ before.  I’m not sure what being ‘now’ entails.  Should I be Twittering on a Blackberry, or reading Dan Brown on an EReader?  Somehow I ended up with the lady selling them to me calling later on to ask if I needed anti glare, and to proclaiming her love down the phone.  Slightly odd, but also confidence boosting.

All this job seeking business is tiring.  I know exactly the job I want, but can’t find any vacancies for it anywhere.  The job I want, really want, is to be Bernard Black from Black Books.  If I work on the Irish accent, I’d be perfect for the job.  So if anyone finds an advert for an ill tempered, misanthropic, heavy drinking, literate, scruffy, inhumane, humorous and egotistical book shop owner with a comical human plaything and a gorgeous female friend please let me know.

BlackBooks

Funny Video:

This made me laugh.  A lot.  Mixed Martial Arts Fail