The Blog of Lone

New Year, new start.  That’s what I’d really been hoping for, and it seems my prayers (there might have been a few of those) have actually been  answered.

I went along to the pub to meet the boss of the company I’d applied to (as mentioned last post), and I thought the interview went pretty well.  He was particularly interested in my creative writing skills, something that got me onto the 30 strong short list (finally, a degree comes in useful!).  On Friday I went back to meet the director of the American side of things, and got offered the job!  After more than two years applying for proper jobs, I finally have one.  My relief is actually palpable, it really does feel quite amazing.

The company promotes research on nutrition, medicine, and other things the main stream  media aren’t too interested in.  They also sell tie in products, such as nutritional supplements, DVD’s, books etc. To start off with the job involves being a Operations Coordinator, basically ensuring all the sales/ customer service runs smoothly.  Once I’m up to date with that, the bossman is thinking of bringing me into the publishing side of the business, researching and actually writing books for them.  It’s amazing, I’ll actually be putting my degrees and love of writing to use.  And I’ll be getting paid for it!

Other than that, I’ve also been up to Harps for another extremely enjoyable weekend.  A few of us watched the boxing match dubbed ‘David and Goliath’.  While we were hoping to watch a few rounds of carnage, what we got instead was 12 rounds of the big Russian bring made to look like the lumbering beast he was by the crafty little Brit.  New British world heavyweight champion.  Rock on.  Also on the cards for that night was a good amount of beer, mojitos, Jagerbombs, and insanely dangerous close proximity fireworks.  The night ended at around 8am at the 2nd house party, and boy did I feel it the next day.  Which was spent seeing the new(ish) lady in my life, who I get on ridiculously well with.  Bonus.

All in all, life has begun the new year in the way I hope it continues, on the up.  Might just keep my fingers crossed to be on the safe side though.

Peaces.

Work

Has been a looong day at work today.  Weddings always tend to be, but what doesn’t help is accidentally turning up to work two hours early.  Don’t get me wrong, the work isn’t all that hard (well, except for having to move loads of pianos around), but those extra two hours turn a bearable eleven and a half hour shift into a tiring thirteen and a half hours.  There’s only so much coffee you can drink before starting to shake like a heroin addict going cold turkey, and I reckon I was pushing the boundary line.

As predicted there was lots of cringe worthy granddad dancing, by people of all ages.  You know the kind of dance, where someone who has never heard a song before bop shuffles with slightly flailing arms, totally out of time to the music.  Just imagine your geriatric uncle Bob trying to dance to hip hop and you’re on the right tracks.  But it’s a wedding, so I guess it’s expected and acceptable.  The only memorable things were when the groom broke down crying mid-ceremony for five minutes and the bride’s wedding dress, which made her look like an all star quarterback in American football (think the White Witch from ‘The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe’ film).

Search

With all the wonders of cutting edge technology, which in this case involves a gang of bowler hat wearing monkeys locked in a dimly lit room, selotaped to top of the range laptops, smoking enormous cigars and drinking nothing but dry Martini’s, I can now find out exactly what goes down in the vague cyberspace recesses of the Blog.

One of the cyber monkeys on his fortnightly half hour break.

One piece of gnostic illumination that particularly tickled me was being able to see the key words people are putting into search engines in order to find the Blog.  While ‘blog of lone dixstock’ (Dixstock being an annual event reported on uniquely by the Blog) is perfectly acceptable (I bet I can even name the person doing that search), I do worry about whoever found us by searching for ‘lone mad blog’ (possibly a bit insulted by that one), and I’m positively scared to imagine the person who searched for ‘get it down zulu warrior’.

Funny Link

Think you’re bored? - Trust me, compared to these guys your life is a thrilling roller coaster of excitement and cake.

Peace and pickles.

Life/Thoughts

This week has mainly been very dull.  Sitting in front of the computer all day applying for jobs isn’t a healthy lifestyle.  Have been trying to make up for this by going down the gym, but it’s not something I enjoy.

At the gym there’s always guys, and girls, who watch you out of the corner of their eyes.  You can tell the ones.  They wear fashionable gym clothes, cut to show off their muscles/breasts/tight stomachs.  They mark you.  Mark the clothes you wear, the weights you lift, how much you sweat, what you drink.

For these people the gym isn’t about keeping fit, it’s a huge exercise in vanity.  They’re the worst kind of physical image Nazi, judging others by their own warped morals.  They pour scorn on the overweight people who are genuinely trying to get fit on the treadmills and hang out in their own toned, fashionable, tanned, bunches by the free weights.

Judging people by their looks is a bit of a personal bugbear of mine.  I’ve known gorgeous people who were intelligent and interesting, and an equal amount who were vacant and dull.  Same goes for those thought of as not traditionally gorgeous.  One of the most annoying things I can remember was when an article of mine on this topic was sold.  A few days later I checked up on it, and the guy who had bought it hacked it to pieces, keeping almost only the words such as ’sexy’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘attractive’, ‘beauty’ etc.  He then used it as the front page for a porn website.  Pleased, I was not.

Quiz

Went to a huge charity quiz tonight.  Was entertaining.  Only two things of note to report.

1:  The year’s supply of beer to be won would have lasted me two weeks at most.  Either this makes me a drunkard loser, or the organisers very stingy.

2. Out of the 500 people there, I was, literally, the only one to be able to recognise a picture of the current Poet Laurette, Carol Ann Duffy.  I’m not sure if this makes me a freak, or everyone else uncultured.

Work

Got to work tomorrow.  This isn’t a bad thing as I need something to entertain me, and working weddings can sometimes be entertaining, although I have a feeling this one will not be.  Terrible dresses, worse dancing, lots of free wine, and a total lack of inhibitions do often add up to much comedy viewing for the bloke who has to stand there and watch the guests while occasionally serving a few drinks.

Funny Links

Never trust your mates.

Ps.

Just want to say a big thank you to all the Blog Monkeys out there for reading, and especially those new to the Blog who have been leaving great comments.  Thanks to you guys the Blog is now 1458.62% more popular than it was last week.  Wow.

Peace and love.

Applying for jobs and getting rejected is disheartening and stressful, but, so it seems, is actually getting offered them too.

Got offered a job in China, but it seems a bit dubious.  Here are the reasons why.

1. The only questions I got asked were: Have you been to China before? What age group do you want to teach?  How soon can you get here?  They didn’t even ask if I spoke Chinese or Mandarin.

2. The emails I’ve had have all been brief, and not very business like.  While I’ve been deliberating about it for a few days I got one just saying: “We really hope you to come to teach adults at XXX XXXX XXXX Centre very soon.” Sounds a bit desperate to me.

3. The contract says I get my own accommodation, but not the airfare.  The contract also goes on to say that if I fail to file a lesson plan, can’t teach for some reason, or leave my room in a mess(!!), I will get fined.  If I get “drunk, addicted, or eccentric” (yes, that is an actual quote from the contract) I get fired.

4. They suggest I get a tourist visa, and will apparently square all the paperwork to get me a working visa and registered as a foreign expert with the government.  Leaves me at their mercy somewhat.

5. The pay is less than I got as a barman, and only about what I get now.

6. 1 week holiday if I teach for a full year.

7. If I offer “similar teaching services” during or up to 2 years (!!) after my employment, I pay them compensation.

8. If I fail to show respect for China, or its culture or tradition I get fired.  Probably shot too.

9. The Principle has accidentally given two, very different, names for the school

10. Just plain getting bad vibes.

What do the Blog monkeys think?  Good job?  Entrapment to a life of male prostitution and beard pornography?  Take it, or count myself lucky that I didn’t?

Peace - 10 point list style stolen from the marvelous Emma’s blog.  Can be found at …